Home
I woke today feeling physically better than I have all week. My body has been extrememly tired from the move, and last night's long rest was just what I needed, or so I thought.
Jeff made me some chai and a cinnamon bun, and we got ready to go to church for a presentation on what BACC is doing in the Sudan. As I got ready, I kept thinking about how I really did not want to go. Any other day would be fine, just not today. Today I wanted to spend my time leisurely, unpacking nothing but relaxing and reconnecting with my husband. Just living in close proximity does not do it for us. We need to have connecting time, every day. There has been none this week. That drains our relationship quickly.
I got into the car a bit wet from the drizzle outside, and we started down the road. Neither one of us knew where we were going, since this house is farther out and in a different direction than the other one we were getting used to. As Jeff drove and I tried to navigate, I sat there thinking about home. I miss knowing where everything is, knowing which route is best to take at which time, knowing that at a moments notice I could call any one of my beloved friends to talk about everything and nothing. I miss not having to explain things to people. I can't call someone who isn't here 'cause then I'll have to explain everything just to get to the point, and most times, that's too much work. I just want to call and talk and have them know what I'm saying w/ out having to say so much! I miss my friends. I miss having people know me. I miss knowing people. I miss my Mom, and my little nephews. I miss the cold winters where you know you're going to need a jacket, not where when you leave the house it feels like summer and when you come home (still w/ out your jacket) you almost freeze to death. I just miss home.
As we drove, I tried not to let Jeff see my tears. He doesn't mock me, but he thinks it's cute when I cry so at times it seems like he's making light of the situation, when for me, it's very real. Not a bad thing, just one of those X/Y chromosome differences. He finally asked me a question and before he finished I just turned to him and let it out. "I miss home." Another X/Y thing: he tried to solve the problem (I love how you always want to make it better, honey). I just needed to cry and to let someone know how I felt. I called my Mom. I knew it'd make her sad, but sometimes you just need your Mom. She lifted my spirit a bit, but I was still pretty down.
After church, I felt worse. There is so much to be done in this world to make it better. It seems hopeless. So many are poor, hurting, hungry, in need of salvation. Add to that that I am drained, in every way. How much better would it be to be away from it all? Then I started to miss my real Home instead.
Jesus, I know you have a plan for me. I know that this is where you want me, but today I think I'd rather be at Home, with You.
Jeff made me some chai and a cinnamon bun, and we got ready to go to church for a presentation on what BACC is doing in the Sudan. As I got ready, I kept thinking about how I really did not want to go. Any other day would be fine, just not today. Today I wanted to spend my time leisurely, unpacking nothing but relaxing and reconnecting with my husband. Just living in close proximity does not do it for us. We need to have connecting time, every day. There has been none this week. That drains our relationship quickly.
I got into the car a bit wet from the drizzle outside, and we started down the road. Neither one of us knew where we were going, since this house is farther out and in a different direction than the other one we were getting used to. As Jeff drove and I tried to navigate, I sat there thinking about home. I miss knowing where everything is, knowing which route is best to take at which time, knowing that at a moments notice I could call any one of my beloved friends to talk about everything and nothing. I miss not having to explain things to people. I can't call someone who isn't here 'cause then I'll have to explain everything just to get to the point, and most times, that's too much work. I just want to call and talk and have them know what I'm saying w/ out having to say so much! I miss my friends. I miss having people know me. I miss knowing people. I miss my Mom, and my little nephews. I miss the cold winters where you know you're going to need a jacket, not where when you leave the house it feels like summer and when you come home (still w/ out your jacket) you almost freeze to death. I just miss home.
As we drove, I tried not to let Jeff see my tears. He doesn't mock me, but he thinks it's cute when I cry so at times it seems like he's making light of the situation, when for me, it's very real. Not a bad thing, just one of those X/Y chromosome differences. He finally asked me a question and before he finished I just turned to him and let it out. "I miss home." Another X/Y thing: he tried to solve the problem (I love how you always want to make it better, honey). I just needed to cry and to let someone know how I felt. I called my Mom. I knew it'd make her sad, but sometimes you just need your Mom. She lifted my spirit a bit, but I was still pretty down.
After church, I felt worse. There is so much to be done in this world to make it better. It seems hopeless. So many are poor, hurting, hungry, in need of salvation. Add to that that I am drained, in every way. How much better would it be to be away from it all? Then I started to miss my real Home instead.
Jesus, I know you have a plan for me. I know that this is where you want me, but today I think I'd rather be at Home, with You.
posted by Kelly | 4:42 PM
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