The Beginning of the End
I think today is officially when I will start to think of the beginning of the end. Christmas is exactly 2 weeks away, which means our move is about 2 weeks and 3 days away. That's not a lot of time.
I'm closing up house from a Christmas party that we had w/ my family...It was wonderful to gather all of my siblings, their spouses, some kids and my parents together. And you know what, it was really fun! We visited, ate yummy food, laughed and played Catch-Phrase. My inner child (inner, idealistic child) is really coming out right now and at some point I'll write more on this, but I'm so glad that we all sat in my tiny living room and played a game together!!! Seeing everyone laugh, seeing my Mom and Dad sitting next to each other and tease each other over the game, having my best friend and her husband stop in and fit in just like the rest, watching my husband actually enjoy himself and open up with my brothers, and experiencing the warmth and security that the term family conveys is healing to me in so many ways.
God has given me a wonderful family. And later on when I go to church, I will be reminded of those that I'm leaving behind who aren't blood but my family by choice. Yes I will see and speak to my siblings and parents a lot even though I'll be living somewhere else. But the people that I worship w/ every week, the people that shake my hand when I walk into church, the people that have prayed for me and have shed tears and offered hugs will soon be distant. The ones who stood and watched Jeff and I exchange vows before God, and cheered us on as we were proclaimed Husband and Wife, and showered us with love and gifts and support...I will miss them so much. The chapter here is almost finished and I feel like the countdown is on.
I don't really like countdowns cause they seem to rush things. I remember I bought my friend a wedding countdown clock when she got engaged. Her wedding came and went, and then she passed it on to another friend. I figured someday I'd get that clock when it was my turn. Another friend of mine who is a teacher had a chalkboard countdown plaque for her wedding. Someone else I know counted sleeps 'til her big day. I did get engaged and the clock had since been passed on to another bride, and I got over it. I never did get a countdown anything, and I didn't keep track w/ my calendar either. I knew the day was coming and counting the numbers of days was too rigid or something. I wanted to enjoy the time and not wish it away.
Same thing goes for today. I don't want to start counting, but the reality is that I have less than 20 days left here. Less than 20 days. It seems the likely antidote to my heartache is to have the move be over, but then that means that we'll really be in MD and let's face it, will it be healing, or will it hurt worse because the reality of separation will be right in my face.?
I will remember today, the beginning of the end. Spending time w/ my precious Katie this morning, preparing a feast in my almost-gone home, enjoying loved ones, singing Happy Birthday today to my special niece Sarah, locking eyes w/ Mom as she said goodbye tonight, knowing that her nervous hugging was really not nerves at all, but the only way she could hold the tears back...These are the things that matter, the things that I will take w/ me when I leave. These memories will keep me warm when I think of how far away I am, when I think of how much I miss my family, my families.
I'm closing up house from a Christmas party that we had w/ my family...It was wonderful to gather all of my siblings, their spouses, some kids and my parents together. And you know what, it was really fun! We visited, ate yummy food, laughed and played Catch-Phrase. My inner child (inner, idealistic child) is really coming out right now and at some point I'll write more on this, but I'm so glad that we all sat in my tiny living room and played a game together!!! Seeing everyone laugh, seeing my Mom and Dad sitting next to each other and tease each other over the game, having my best friend and her husband stop in and fit in just like the rest, watching my husband actually enjoy himself and open up with my brothers, and experiencing the warmth and security that the term family conveys is healing to me in so many ways.
God has given me a wonderful family. And later on when I go to church, I will be reminded of those that I'm leaving behind who aren't blood but my family by choice. Yes I will see and speak to my siblings and parents a lot even though I'll be living somewhere else. But the people that I worship w/ every week, the people that shake my hand when I walk into church, the people that have prayed for me and have shed tears and offered hugs will soon be distant. The ones who stood and watched Jeff and I exchange vows before God, and cheered us on as we were proclaimed Husband and Wife, and showered us with love and gifts and support...I will miss them so much. The chapter here is almost finished and I feel like the countdown is on.
I don't really like countdowns cause they seem to rush things. I remember I bought my friend a wedding countdown clock when she got engaged. Her wedding came and went, and then she passed it on to another friend. I figured someday I'd get that clock when it was my turn. Another friend of mine who is a teacher had a chalkboard countdown plaque for her wedding. Someone else I know counted sleeps 'til her big day. I did get engaged and the clock had since been passed on to another bride, and I got over it. I never did get a countdown anything, and I didn't keep track w/ my calendar either. I knew the day was coming and counting the numbers of days was too rigid or something. I wanted to enjoy the time and not wish it away.
Same thing goes for today. I don't want to start counting, but the reality is that I have less than 20 days left here. Less than 20 days. It seems the likely antidote to my heartache is to have the move be over, but then that means that we'll really be in MD and let's face it, will it be healing, or will it hurt worse because the reality of separation will be right in my face.?
I will remember today, the beginning of the end. Spending time w/ my precious Katie this morning, preparing a feast in my almost-gone home, enjoying loved ones, singing Happy Birthday today to my special niece Sarah, locking eyes w/ Mom as she said goodbye tonight, knowing that her nervous hugging was really not nerves at all, but the only way she could hold the tears back...These are the things that matter, the things that I will take w/ me when I leave. These memories will keep me warm when I think of how far away I am, when I think of how much I miss my family, my families.
posted by Kelly | 12:45 AM
1 Comments:
I am happy to hear that the party went well, and that you all had a good time!
Frank
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